Fourth Time's The Charm
by Heart Torn Out
Summary: Um.. so yeah, Dean goes over all the times Cas has died... plus one more. Character death and total Slash with sammy as an awesome baby brother just because he really IS. Two shot!
1. Unspoken Words Are On My Mind

**I was bored. So take this as a token of my bordom. Sorta sad. But there will be another chappie up, no worries. A very short two shot.**

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Disclaimer: Why do i bother with this anymore?

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**Fourth Time's The Charm**

The first time Castiel had died, Dean had felt a great swell of emotion in his chest. Here was a powerful celestial being, giving his life for Dean, letting Dean get a head start on the forces of Heaven. He had felt honored. He had felt excited. He'd felt a great amount of respect.

He had also felt a small pang of regret that ate away at him as he ran for Sam. There was some affection to be held for a greater being that gave his life for you.

And maybe even something more.

Either way, it had been a relief when he had come back.

The second time Castiel had died, Dean had only felt anguish. Anguish and a strong sense of not being good enough for someone who deserved his all. For someone who had already died on his behalf and was doing it again. He felt anguish, because the only person that had never stopped believing in him had just stopped. He felt anguished because it was his fault.

He felt anguished because he had learned to love the angel, and here he was, telling Dean that he didn't have the same amount of faith in him that Sam did, even though he was once again going to die on Dean's behalf.

When he had come back this time, Dean had almost sighed, 'I love you,' in relief on the phone. But he wasn't one for chick flick moments and he absolutely blamed himself for the turn of events that had left his angel mostly human and in need of someone, anyone to hang onto. And Castiel didn't even love him back so…what the hell? But there was happiness in there too that he was back, extreme and utter happiness. And if Dean would send him the odd wink once in a while, Castiel sure as hell wasn't complaining.

The third time Castiel had died, Dean could only feel traumatized. Traumatized because he had just seen the angel he loved blown to bits and pieces by the Devil in his baby brothers skin. Traumatized because he didn't know how to react to that, since he had been absent the first two times it had happened. Traumatized because the man he considered his father was next to go. Traumatized because his brother throwing himself, his adversary and Michael in the pit had followed directly afterward.

Traumatized because for the first time in his life, he was truly alone.

And then, he had felt that warm hand on his shoulder, had realized that Cas was back that Bobby was back, but that he couldn't concentrate because Sam _wasn't_. And then Bobby had left. And then Castiel had left, his Cas, leaving for Heaven and abandoning Dean to the world.

So he went to Lisa.

And then she asked him to leave.

Because Sam _was_ back, had been back and Dean wanted to be with _him_.

Then Sammy was all wrong of course and he had called Cas and the angel had listened and Dean realized he'd never stopped loving him but that the angel was still the same oblivious being although sometimes when he caught his eye…

The fourth time Castiel died, was the first time Dean actually reacted correctly to the situation. It was their first hunt after Sam had gotten his soul back and the angel had agreed to help on the hunt only because Raphael was on his tail and the Winchester Brothers were considered sanctuary to the rebel angel.

And then, he had failed him. Raphael had found him anyways and instead of trying to protect Cas, Cas, as always, had tried to protect _him_.

And had been _killed_.

For _real_ Angel Killed.

_Angelcide_.

Horrible.

And Dean had let everything out as he held onto the dead body of an angel that was no longer in existence. He had cried, cried tears of sorrow and guilt and shame, cried tears of regret. Had whispered how much he loved him into that dead ear and cradled that empty body to his chest as Sam, perfectly imperfect Sam, had stood by and watched at a loss, since he had always known, always seen.

And Dean, poor, poor Dean, was left to realize that this time, Castiel wasn't coming back. This time, Dean really wasn't going to see those blue eyes again.

And this time, Dean was really, truly alone.

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Somewhere in the inky dark place where all angels go when they die, Castiel heard Dean's last parting words to him.

_I love you, I've always loved you. _

He could only wish that he could say, _Dean, I love you too._

And then suddenly, he felt a tug at his chest and thought _oh, no._

_Here we go again._

To be continued….

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**So? Review my lovlies? For moi? For them?**

**For you?**


	2. When You're Gone,I Seem To Miss You More

**Here's the rest loves!**

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It was a normal hunt. Dean and Sam had just finished up. Sam was driving now, letting Dean hunker down in the back. He worried about his big brother. Ever since Castiel had died…

Dean had been different. He had stopped talking altogether after a few days. He didn't want to eat sometimes and he once blatantly refused to leave the motel just so he could curl up in a ball and collapse in on himself.

All the regrets Sam knew he must have been going through in his mind. Never told Cas he loved him was one of them, he was sure. Never kissed Cas was definitely number two. Never banged Cas had to be in there somewhere. Unless Dean was being a lot more serious with this than Sam thought.

Which he was.

Never told Cas, was definitely number one. Never hugged Cas, was number two though. Never cuddled with Cas, never just took a drive with Cas, never held Cas's hand. Never told Cas that he was his reason for waking up in the morning, never told Cas he was his world, never told Cas he was perfect just the way he was. Never kissed the frown off Ca's face, never told him how cute he looked when he would pout, never rubbed his nose across that stubble, placed a kiss under that jaw. Never softly kissed Cas on the forehead, never let Cas start the first kiss, never just _held_ Cas. Never whispered to Cas over and over how much he loved him, never promised Cas the world. Never made sweet, sweet love to Cas in a real soft bed, treating him like he was the most precious thing in the world, just to wake up with him in the morning and hold him close and _love_ it. Never ran his fingers through Cas's hair. Never wrapped an arm around his waist. Never kissed him on the nose, or cheek or the shell of his ear. Never told Cas that _he_ was enough. Never let Cas trust him to get himself that near.

And he never would.

Those were the things that Dean was regretting not doing. Not telling or saying or sharing. Those were the things that made Dean's vision blur when he thought of them, made him shove his pie away or toss and turn in bed.

Those were the things he wanted most.

_With Cas._

So when Dean heard a banging on Bobby's front door when their travels led them back there for a week's rest he wasn't expecting to find Cas, there, looking worn out and lost, leaning against the doorframe for support.

But that's what happened.

Dean stood there like an idiot for about ten seconds before he surged forward and caught him just as he was about to fall. All of his weight was in Dean's arms now and the hunter was the only thing holding him up.

"Cas?" he asked, daring to hope.

"Dean," was all he got as a mumble before Castiel went limp in his arms.

Dean froze for a moment, staring at the still form before he turned his head and yelled urgently into the house, "I need some help out here!"

When Castiel woke up, three days had passed. Dean had slept for none of them. He had diligently stayed by the bed the entire time, Castiel's hand in his as the angel slept off whatever paranormal jet-lag that whatever had pulled him back had left him with.

His eyes fluttered open, those bright sapphire meeting warm hazel and Dean started to cry all over again. He pressed soft little kisses into his palm, not caring if Castiel thought it was wrong or didn't like it. He rubbed the tip of his nose against the warm flesh of Castiel's hand and let his tears slide down the soft flesh. Dean placed one last kiss on Cas's palm before he looked up into his eyes again.

"Dean-"

"God, Cas, I love you," was all the hunter blurted out. "I always have. And when you…died? I was so lost, so lost. I don't wanna lose you again." He was begging now, because his greatest fear was coming. He knew that Castiel was going to say that he needed to get back to Heaven, that he duties. But what about his duties to Dean? "And I don't think I'll survive it if you leave, so please Cas stay, don't leave me." He dissolved in tears again, glad that Bobby and Sam were downstairs and away from this dramatic scene.

"Dean!" Castiel finally said, raising his voice and sitting up in the bed. In one swift movement, he upped his hand around the hunter's neck and pulled him in for a kiss. Their lips touch softly and pressed together, going no further than that.

"Wha…?" Dean asked as they pulled apart, slightly dizzy and confused, because really? This couldn't be happening.

"I love you," Castiel said softly, making Dean's breath just freeze in his chest. "And besides," he sat back, dragging Dean down next to him, "I can't go anywhere."

Dean pulled up, still shaken by all of this and now very confused. "Why not?"

"One, because I don't want to. Two because I can't." At Dean's questioning look he simply said, "I'm human Dean."

The hunter stopped and blinked. "Say again?" Before Castiel could though, he suddenly exploded, "Cas why? How could you let this happen to you? God, I wanted you, but never this, never for you to be away from you're home, without your angel mojo!" He turned his head to the ceiling standing up now. "GOD! God, you son of a bitch, you change him back or I'll-"

"Dean, _stop_," Castiel commanded, his tone making Dean sink back onto the mattress, still glaring at the ceiling expectantly. "I _chose_ this."

The hunter whirled to him. "You what?"

Castiel took his hand and squeezed it. "My father gave me a choice. He was ringing me back, but this was it. I had to choose. One, I either get brought back as a human and get to use Jimmy's body and such. I live out my life doing whatever I want with it still with my angelic knowledge. When I die, I am left alone to a human's heaven, unbothered by angelic host. Or two, I come back as an angel-"

"Cas," Dean started, "Why did you-"

"- and never get to see you again."

Dean snapped his mouth shut. "Did you just choose me over heaven?" he said quietly.

Castiel smiled and for the first time, he was truly relaxed. "Dean," he said as he leaned into the hunter's side, "I have always chosen you over heaven, even when you couldn't see it. And I would do it all over again. For _you._"

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**There. My fetish of the day is sorta kinda satisfied. Not!**

**Review. I demand it of you! **

**MWAHAHAH!**


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